Where have the days gone?

When my kids were “itty bittys”, I would always ask, “How in the world can the days be soooooo long and yet the years so short? I’m kinda reliving those moments right now. Several people have asked when I was going to post another blog, and I just didn’t know. Honestly, I have about 15 half written blog posts going. There have been so many things going on that I wanted to share, but for whatever reason time has escaped me, or I have simply felt like God was saying, “not that, not now”.  The days have been so long lately and I can’t seem to find my bed soon enough, yet the weeks have flown by in a blink.

I don’t even really know how to explain my days of late. I will say, I have constantly asked myself why am I so freaking tired, all the freaking time!?!?! It doesn’t matter how much I sleep, I can’t get enough “rest.” Unfortunately, there is a medical element in that for me. Long story, but hopefully test results on Monday will show that is heading in the right direction. But, a big part of that is just that I am always “on” always gauging. Gauging my kids academic progress, gauging their social development, gauging their behavior, gauging their Spiritual situation… I am always gauging Grandmother, are her feet swollen, is her memory worse, where did those bruises come from, is she having mini stokes, is she sleeping too much, is she sleeping too little, is her glucose level too high? Gauging my work- what do I need to do for my current clients, what do I need to do to generate new clients, what do I need to do to make myself better. You get the point, even at rest I am not resting…. And, it has worn me slap out. There is not a day on my calendar in the foreseeable future that I don’t have a “dot”, which means I have something going on every day….

I was talking with a friend not long ago about studying in Ruth. I could totally relate to what she was saying. We both felt like Ruth 1:20-21 applied directly to us: “Don’t call me Naomi (or Misty). Call me Bitter. The Strong One has dealt me a bitter blow.” And then in Ruth 2:6, “She went into the field and worked steadily from morning ’til now… Right now I feel I am stuck in Ruth Chapters 1 &2. Bitter at times, working the field, experiencing favor in many ways, but waiting for chapter 3 to come. Here is what I do know, my God is faithful. I have to share these’s words from my friend’s blog (www.beyondyogatn.com) ….

True to form, I used my mess to be the message for the November Fall Retreat. I opened with “The Valley of Dry Bones” from Ezekiel 37:11: “Our bones are dried up, our hope is gone, there is nothing left for us.” The gift of pruning was in the 13th verse, “When {not if} I open your graves and bring you up from them, I will put my Spirit in you and you will live…” But {be} encouraged. The valley was not the end of the message, because He is a grave-opening, bone-digging-up kind of Jesus.”
‘Did I even believe my own teaching?’
I closed the retreat with 1 Kings 17:1-7 “The Brook Dried Up”. “Sometime later, the brook dried up…” Below is the closing reading from the entire weekend:
“If you are here and you have been resting by a dried up brook or walking through the valley of dried up bones, God says to you He is not punishing you, but rather He is preparing you for greater things (Jeremiah 29:11). God was teaching Elijah, and perhaps, teaching us. I brought you by the brook to teach you to depend on Me and Me alone. Settle down! (Isaiah 30:15 MSG) And even though the brook is dry, I am never dry! I am a grave-robbing, water-walking God who reigns over every situation you will ever find yourself in. In fact, do not give up by the brook. Hold your head up, because God may {be} about to blow your mind. Just one chapter later, Elijah was not dry anymore (1 Kings 18). He was calling down fire, wiping out 900 prophets of Baal and Asherah, and out-running chariots (1 Kings 18). So rest in that! What can God do in your next chapter?”

Don’t get me wrong, I know how very blessed I am. But, there are days this life is just hard. And unfortunately, I often waller in my hard  and my bitter. Forgetting what God has promised. He is enough. He wants us to so richly abide in Him that we rest our dried up bones in Him…..

We went to KY over Spring Break because our dishwasher leaked Super Bowl Sunday and ruined my hardwood floors. Which meant, all the furniture in the downstairs of my house had to be moved out, old floors ripped up, and new floors put down. In typical fashion, I decided if we were going that far, we might as well do a total refresh on our 10 year old house. I love God’s sense of humor. I prayed for my refrigerator or dishwasher to leak for 3 years. Our carpet downstairs was nasty and needed to be replaced. We had several neighbors have issues and get new floors compliments of their home owner’s insurance. As would be par for our course, ours didn’t leak, so I replaced our carpet last April. Go figure, shortly after we do that, we can get new floors. So, yes, I ripped up carpet that was less than a year old to install hardwood…..

As the remodel is going down, me, Two Kids, A Dog, and Grandma went to KY. Jeff stayed home to work on the house. Still not sure who got the best deal. Grandma stayed with her sisters while the kids and I stayed with my dad and step mom. I quit calling to check in on Grandma, because I kept getting bad reports. And, her stay got cut short, because her sister just couldn’t handle her anymore. She had some pretty bad shenanigans that I won’t share here. But, let’s just say it’s a miracle she survived the week without being dropped off at the nursing home. And, of course on the way home Grandma asked if we could make some time soon to go to KY to visit her family. Two hours from leaving, she didn’t have a clue that she had been.

What are Grandma’s shenanigans these days? Well, it seems her bowel movements are her source of physical aggression these days. Dementia patients often act out physically when they get frustrated. Grandma isn’t strong enough for that, so she poops. No joke. If she is upset, she’ll use her poop to convey a message. One instance was her pooping in my bedroom floor because I let the toilet paper run out in her bedroom. Not even kidding. It was everywhere. I’ll spare you the details, but it was seven kinds of awful. I almost lost my marbles that day…. Jeff came home that night and put a keyed lock on our bedroom door. No more busting up in my bedroom in the middle of the night or pooping in my floor during the day. I am just going to share TMI, if this wasn’t already. Do you know how much I wish I could poop on command. It would simplify my days greatly, because those movements NEVER come at the most convenient time.

I will say that I have a super awesome story of God’s faithfulness coming. The story is a work in progress and one of the active participants is working on a guest blog post to share. But, if you don’t believe God is in the miracle and blessing business, you’ll just have to check this post out soon.

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