Praying about what is next

We’re back from vacation, Jeff and I are trying to get caught up at work, the kids are back in school, and our normal reality is sinking back in. As we face a new year and new resolutions, we’ve been fervently praying about the best way to “do this life”. There are several options, none necessarily right or wrong, just a matter of good, great, best. With that, we’ll be making some significant changes over the next few weeks and months, and we’d greatly appreciate you praying us through.

As I mentioned in my last post, GranGrand did great at her 12 days of Assisted Living. She wasn’t too happy about going. But, she didn’t get kicked out. And, she even talked fondly about it when we got home. That was such a huge answer to prayer! One of the things we’re praying we can make happen is taking advantage of the adult day care program they have there. In the next month or so, we’ll be doing one day a week, working up to 2 days a week. And, as we pray, that God will financially provide that may she can do a respite care stay one week of every month. I honestly have no idea how we can afford to make that happen. But, I know it is something we have to work out. The adult day care is $75 a day; overnight care is $185 a day. Do the math….

A huge item of prayer for us is Gran’s progression over the last couple months. Her dementia has gotten much worse. She is starting to lose her long term memory. We went to a funeral just after Christmas, and she didn’t recognize some of her family members. We’ve also started to notice in conversations, she doesn’t tell the stories she used to tell about the past. She can’t remember my mom’s name often. She doesn’t remember that Jeff knew my mom. She knows she hasn’t always lived here, but can’t seem to remember where she grew up. We knew the memories would all go. What has us greatly concerned is she is getting more violent. Again, a very natural symptom of dementia. But, I have 2 small kids so it concerns me. Grandmother really just doesn’t like Lexi Kate. The feeling is mutual, which doesn’t help matters. But, Gran acts out towards Lexi. We’re still at a manageable point. But, we are certainly monitoring it heavily. On Saturday, Lexi Kate answered a question, and Gran raised her hand and said “I’m going to smack the shit out of you.” Totally unprovoked. And, LK didn’t offer a hateful response. That turned into a battle and a half as Gran didn’t understand why she was being punished. She kept saying, but I was kidding, I’d never hit the kids. Well, you can’t say it either. And, you can’t raise your hand like you’re going to…. Sunday, Gran randomly started yelling at LK for not answering her questions. Problem is, Gran never said anything out loud. Again this morning, Gran raised her hand and threatened to slap Lexi, because Lexi told her she couldn’t eat Cocoa Puffs because she was diabetic. LK wasn’t being hateful. Gran just asked her to fix a bowl, and she told her she couldn’t have them. So, obviously, that weighs on us. Even if Gran managed to slap one of the kids, she has so little balance and strength I don’t think she could hurt them physically. But, the emotional impact of that is something I’m not even willing to endure. Needless to say, anything that can be used as weapon is out of reach for GranGran. And, we just pray daily for God’s protection on everyone in the situation.

I still don’t doubt for one second that this is God’s plan for our lives. Even knowing how hard it has been, I’d do it again. But, we are reaching those days where I step out of my Pollyanna mentality and start thinking, “Holy, Crap! We just can’t do this anymore!” I hate being a quitter. But, I also realize all things in life are for a season. And, as much as I want to be Super Woman, God hasn’t gifted me with all talents. And, caring for someone with severe dementia isn’t a gift I have. We are doing what we’re doing because we have to. But, I’ll be honest, it’s a game day decision at this point. Pray for me. Pray that my stubborn, won’t quit attitude will step out of the way. Pray that we’ll know when this party is over. Pray that we’ll party with grace until that point. Pray that we will remain faithful to our call. Pray that we love well until the very last day and not allow bitterness and anger to set in. And, honestly, pray for my Grandmother. She is suffering inside a broken body. She isn’t well physically or mentality and she is just trapped. Pray she’ll have some sense of peace. Not trying to sound harsh, but we’re at a point where death most certainly isn’t the worst thing that could happen to her.

Again, many changes are coming in Woodford land over the next several weeks and months. Pray with us that we are clear on God’s calling and follow it faithfully. We’ll reveal what’s going on as they come about.

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