Do you ever have those weeks where you just wish God would give you a minute to catch your breath? I was talking to a friend about this the other day. It seems like for both of us, as soon as we’ve got one thing “handled” something else pops up. The last two years of life have certainly helped me learn not to worry as much, because no matter how much I plan or worry a little surprise pops up. And, I totally feel like the adage, “God doesn’t give us more than we can handle” is crap. I don’t even think it is Biblical. But, I firmly believe that God doesn’t give us more than HE can handle. He just choses to use us as the vessel to get it done. Regardless, I’ve just had some times lately where I wouldn’t mind God showing off in someone else’s life. I’m tired. I need to nap. I don’t need to deal with one.more.thing…..
Grandmother had been a pill for the last couple weeks. She was past ready to go back to KY and visit people. But, some problems her sisters were having, coupled with her hospital visit had just not made that feasible. This past Monday I had a couple appointments get moved around, so I came home at lunch and told her to get in the car and we took off. We made it to Mayfield around 2:00 and met 2 of her sisters, a brother, a brother-in-law and a niece at Majestic. We ate, talked and had a good 2 hour visit. From there we went over to see one of her brothers that can’t really get out. We visited with him a while before heading out. We also went by the cemetery and decorated mom’s grave for Christmas. It was raining and nasty, so I didn’t get to sit and visit as much as I like. But, Mom loved decorating for Christmas, so as long as I have breath to do it, her grave will be the best decorated one for Christmas. I hope she likes it.
As we were leaving town, we had a delay from one of my can’t catch a break moments. Jeff called to say there was a big oil spill in our driveway where I park my car. So, I drove to Paducah to have my dad check out my car. There was no sign of an active leak, but my car was very low on oil. He put some oil in it and we went to dinner before hitting the road.
It was right at 9:00 when we got home. I hated it being so late on the one night this week we didn’t have anything to do. I totally missed spending the free afternoon/evening with the kids. I needed it way more than they did.
Tuesday morning I took my car into the dealership to see what was wrong with it. “Mamama rahrahrah rah da blah blah blah…. it’ll be $675 to fix it.” Awesome, Merry Christmas to me. New microwave, car repairs, yep. We’re tapped out on getting Misty anything fun for Christmas. As I say to myself, focus on being thankful you were able to hand him cash to fix it.
Wednesday I spent the day with grandmother at the doctor. We actually already had her cardiology check up scheduled, but Tuesday afternoon they called to say her defibulator had activated and it sent a care link report that she was holding too much fluid. Perfect timing, I guess…. Anyway, we went to St. Thomas to see the Advanced Heart Failure Specialist. Ever wonder how many hearts he had to make fail before getting that title? Anyway, I digress. The diagnosis is that her pulmonic valve is starting to fail, and is leaking. This explains her weakness, fatigue, and shortness of breath. She immediately wanted to know what he was going to do to fix it. NOTHING. It can’t be fixed in her condition. She already has a mitral valve replacement, which is working well. She’d never survive the surgery to fix the pulmonary valve. She didn’t like this idea. She can’t conceive the fact she is old and her body is going to continue to give out instead of get worse. Of course, that led to her accusing me of wanting her to die because I won’t make them fix it…. No, if I wanted you to die immediately, I would make them operate tomorrow. You’d be done. But, this does make the chances of pneumonia and death this winter very high. Again, not surprising information, just hard to digest right at the holidays when put to you so bluntly.
As I was driving LK to dance, someone else I love dearly called to say they had a recurrence of cancer. Our relationship has been somewhat strained of late, so it made the news even harder for me to take. Seriously? Right now? We have to do this right now? Could cancer not wait until next year? Even until spring? Their first cancer surgery was a couple years ago in November. And here we go again. There are 2 types of cancer this time, both not as serious as the other. But, once you’ve had cancer, getting it again isn’t really a good thing. Especially when you are a few years older….. Thankfully, overall they are in better health and I am hoping that helps with the healing.
And, so I am again trusting God to carry the burden and give me rest. Let’s get through the holidays in one piece, please. This will be my second Thanksgiving without mom. For me, Thanksgiving was far harder than Christmas last year. I would appreciate your prayers as we go through this week, that we are able to remain focused on our many blessings and refuse to pick up burdens we’ve agreed to let God carry.