From August 20

Grandmother has been begging to go back to KY for a visit, and it occurred to me yesterday that we have a perfect opportunity coming up. We are going to the lake this weekend with my dad, and the next weekend they are coming down for LK’s birthday party. So, if she could stay a week, this would be convenient. I talked to her sister, who said it was fine and then I talked to her and she said she would love too…. Which, really makes me think she hates it here. Because, before she wouldn’t leave home for more than 2 hours, and she is now willing to stay away a week. Oh well, too many other things to stress out about than to beat myself up over that one.
In preparation for this trip, we went to do her blood work today, that is due next week. Her INR levels have been fantastic for a couple months now. Today, they were lower than they have ever been. Her INR is at 1.5, her goal is 3. Doesn’t sound like a big deal. But, with her issues, it is a HUGE problem. 1.5 puts her at an extremely high risk of throwing a blood clot and/or having a heart attack. So, my next words, were, “how does this affect her traveling to KY next week.” The nurse looked at me and says that is a terrible idea! Awesome! This will be like telling a 3 year old the person in line in front of them got the last of the ice cream. We talked about a dosage change and left.
Something weird happens when I leave a doctor’s office. I become a brilliant physician with years of experience. I was just analyzing the information we’d been given and trying to think of a way not to have this 3 year old that just got denied ice cream mad at me all week. I came up with some ideas, and a plan b and called the doctor when we got home. And, what do you know, they agreed with my plan, confirming I am a brilliant doctor, and the trip is back on.
Granted, we are still at a huge risk! And, because she won’t be tested again in 4 days like the nurse really wanted, we won’t know for sure how brilliant my plan is. But, if she doesn’t die, we’ll know I am in fact genius. And, well, to be bluntly honest, if she does die, at least she’ll die in her happy place.
Losing my mom at such a young age (and every day older I get, I realize how young 56 was), showed me a lot about balance in my life. So…. if I eat bacon every day it is going to take 2 years off my life. Well, who gives a crap about 89 versus 87, at least I enjoyed the pig. So, in thinking about Grandmother, her days are already numbered. And, she could have thrown a blood clot at any minute, or her defibrillator battery could fail (it’s already lasted 2 years longer than they said it would). So, if one trip back home does her in, what did it really cost her? Please don’t read this and start thinking I am that weird person wishing someone to die. I dread that day like the plague, because in a way it will be the end of all I have living of my mom. But, I no longer live in fear of death. I chose to celebrate the moments we live. And, if any of us get to meet Jesus a day sooner doing something we love, that’s a win.
So, now we pray. We pray the plan works, we pray the trip is a success, and we pray we all live to tell about it.