It’s okay to be miserable….sometimes

From September 6

We could use an extra dose of prayer and patience…. I never expected this journey to be easy or fun or calm; I didn’t have any real expectations at all. But, I certainly didn’t expect Grandmother to hate living here. She’s said little things along the way. But, I’ve taken that all in stride. After all, I ripped her independence away, took her out of the town she’s lived in her whole life, and took her away from the brothers and sisters that have been her life blood the last 18 months in one fail swoop. I expected her to be sad about those things. I didn’t expect her to hate being around the way we do life. We’re loud and messy. My grandmother isn’t loud or messy. Our house is always full of wild and crazy kids, only two of which live here. I’m short and to the point, and I don’t enjoy morning small talk. Actually, I’m not big on small talk at any time of day. Grandmother gets bored and likes me to sit and chat. For these reasons, she’s miserable. I hate that. I’d give anything to fix it.
Tonight she told me she wanted to make arrangements for her to move back to Mayfield. I explained that just isn’t possible for a number of reasons. She told me she could live with either of her sisters. While short term visits are okay, neither of them are in a position for a full time arrangement. Not to mention, they’ve asked when I plan on putting her in a nursing home.
I don’t want to put her in a nursing home and I don’t want to move her back to Mayfield. But, we’ve got to find some joy in her living here. She’s miserable, and honestly Lexi Kate is too. And when 2 of the 3 girls in the house are miserable, the 3rd girl is a wreck! I know beyond a shadow of a doubt this is exactly what God has in store for our family at this point in life. But, that doesn’t make it any easier. I don’t want my kids to not be able to enjoy the normal things in life, but I don’t want grandmother to be miserable either.
In other news, we go back to the doctor on Tuesday. Grandmother’s counts are way out of line for different areas. Her swelling and fluid retention have gone down this week with a medicine change, so I’m really hoping this week’s blood work will show some improvements.

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