Knock on that door one more time…..

I’d heard that SunDowners was a real thing, I’d heard that full moons made people crazy. I don’t think I really believed much about that…. until Grandmother moved in with us…… As I mentioned before, when I checked Gran out of NHC on Friday, she was doing amazing well. Totally with it mentally and physically. And, she was happy despite the fact it was pouring down rain, which previously would have sent her into major fits. She started digressing some Friday evening, which is typical with her SunDowners, so I didn’t think much about it. I had to work on Saturday, and she was a bit of a pill as I was leaving- but again normal behavior….

Saturday afternoon, she wanted to walk down to the neighborhood social with us. A good sign I thought. She had the energy to get out and walk, and she wanted to be around people. It was slightly chilly outside, so she was ready to leave about 30 minutes after getting there. So, I just walked her back home. She was a little upset that I told her I was going back to the picnic because my kids were still there. But, I just laid out her bed medicine and told her to take that if she was in bed before I got back. She was actually still up when I came in, so I gave her her evening medicine and sent her to bed around 7:30. All is good in the world, until…..

10:11- the time of the first knock. I had just fallen asleep and was in that yummy, deep sleep where you’re dreaming and feeling good. All of the sudden the lights are on and I hear people talking, and then I hear people yelling. It was taking me a minute to come to my senses, I wasn’t sure if I was dreaming, or this was really happening. Gran was in my room demanding I help her go to the bathroom and get back to bed. She was yelling that this place was pathetic and she nearly messed the bed waiting for someone to help her up. Well, honey, this isn’t the hospital. You don’t have a nurse call button, so I don’t know what you pushed, but it didn’t alert Prince Charming to come to your rescue. We do our potty business and get back in bed. I’m miffed that I was waken up, but it was kinda funny, so no big deal.

10:34- Knock, Knock, Knock. “Misty!!! Misty!!! Get out here and help me right now!” You see, after our first intrusion I made sure I locked the door when I went back to bed. Grandmother, what do you need now? “I need one of these nurses to help me find my way back to bed.” Grandmother, you’re not in the hospital, there are no nurses here. You need to go back to bed on your own. I’ll show you the way. But, seriously, don’t come wake me up again. I have to work tomorrow, I need to sleep. “I’m sorry, I thought I had a nurse to wait on me, I don’t expect you to do it.”

11:17- Knock, Knock, Knock. DAMNIT! I am starting to get my feathers seriously ruffled at this point. There is a very good reason that I only had 2 kids. I LOVE to sleep, and babies keep you up all freaking night. As soon as I would fall asleep, they’d need to eat again, or have an ear infection, or poop their pants. Seriously, I went almost 3 years without a solid night of sleep, and I wasn’t a happy camper. And, they were cute. Grandmother, not cute. Waking me up multiple times, not cool. I go out the door yelling. I know it was excessive when Jeff sets up to tell me I need to cool it. But, by this time I have a major headache sitting in from exhaustion. Worse than just staying up too late is going to bed and being constantly woken up. So, I put Grandmother back to bed and assure her I will let her know when it’s time to get up….

1:15- Knock, Knock, Knock…. Somebody is about to die. Grandmother, what do you need?!?! “Well, none of these nurses would come help me out of bed so I peed on myself and need cleaned up.” WTF? How can one person have to go to the bathroom so many times in a 3 hour period. You haven’t had anything to drink since 7:30, and you’re wearing a diaper. Go sit on that toilet, raise your arms high in the air, do the wiggle jiggle. Do whatever the crap you need to do to get all fluids out of your body and go the F@$# to sleep. At this point, I am hearing Jennifer Garner read the version of the toddler book, “Go the F@*& to sleep in my head”. It’s meant to be funny book for parents of littles, it is very real in my life at this moment. And, we’re back in the bed again. I plead with her not to get up again.

2:20- Knock, Knock, Knock…. You’ve got to be freaking kidding me. I open the door with wheels blazing, tongue lashing, spear drawn…. Only to see the cutest little boy God every made, arms held up wide, “Mommy, I love you but I am scared.” (I’m sure Gran had woken him up as her room is across from his.) Come here sweet love, and snuggle mommy. Funny how I react much differently to my children than I do to Grandmother. However, in my defense, had my kids woken me up more than twice, they’d probably either be on the way to the hospital or hearing my wrath too. They’re just smart enough to know waking mommy up is a bad plan.

3:14- Knock, Knock, Knock…. Assuming it is Lexi Kate, because my kids have a keen sense of knowing when the other has snuck some private mommy snuggle time, I gently roll to the door to let another little bug in my bed. Nope. “Misty, come help me get dressed for the day.” NO!!! It is the freaking middle of the night. Go to bed! And, you have got to quit waking me up. I have to work tomorrow, I am about to die. Get back in bed. So, I walk her to her room and give VERY firm instruction for her to not get up again. I’m pretty sure it didn’t have one ounce of kindness wrapped in it. She says, “What do you want me to do, just lay here until I die?!?” That’s when I came unglued. “Grandmother, you are not dying. But, if you wake me up one more time tonight, I might just help you get there!” Go to sleep, and don’t come near my room again. “But, I need help finding the bathroom.” No, you don’t. The bathroom is right beside your room. Go to the bathroom, go to bed. She tells me to come check on her in an hour. I just walked away…. I came back to bed, and Jeff says, “I think you need to plan on sleeping in in the morning.” Really, you think. Because at this point I’m not really sleeping at all….

And, that was thankfully all the knocking for the night. Just before 7:00 I could here her and Jeff discussing coffee and breakfast, but I really didn’t care. Today has continued with more awesomeness with a shoe battle and her stealing my breakfast, but those stories will have to wait until another day.

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